I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
