It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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