My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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