so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
