i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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