first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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