I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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