I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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