WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
