p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
