Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize