I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
