Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
