I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize