do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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