in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
