she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
