my vag is so smooth its legendary
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
