I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
