Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
