the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
