we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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