i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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