I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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