does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
