I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
