What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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