I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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