No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
