So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
