Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
