apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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