i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
