the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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