I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize