how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
