I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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