I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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