you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
