I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
