man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
