i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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