yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
