I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
