I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
