She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
