Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
