It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
