my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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