She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
