cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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