I will die if light touches me.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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