I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
