Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
