Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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