Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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