I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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