i just had sex bonerless
Welp...herpes.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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