I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
