This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
