She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
