I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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