theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
