What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
