There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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