So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
