I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
