and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
