U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
